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246 Posts 63 Followers 62 Following

Life, Huh?

00:00 pinned this post

00:00 @iammgume

17 Aug, 25

What hurts is the fact that we might not be part of the future that we're so desperately working for...!

00:00 @iammgume

45 mins. ago

So you're there....
With That girlfriend of yours who is always asking for an emergency 50k (ASAP🤣)
And when you ask for an impromptu 5k from her, you have to first sign a headed requisition form, pass it to HR, wait for the official time delay (she calls it * maturity & processing time*😜), and sometimes there's usually a 51% chance that her safe is almost empty, or you've asked for it the moment she just "gave it out to Samuella"

And poor you, you're planning on proposing to her, bend the knee and act like a gentleman

And she saved Sam, your best friend as "Samuella💋"

And most of the times , you're usually seeing her text, talk, giggle with "Samuella"

And you're convinced that you'll have cute kids together, because she's got a lovely behind.

And, you stepped up for her son.

Brother, you're a legend and your imbecility deserves a tax holiday of it's own!

You threaten the existence of the Greek goddess of stupidity!

Stand proud for history will study abou

00:00 @iammgume

1 hr. ago

The problem with today’s world is that everyone believes they have the right to express their opinion AND have others listen to it.

The correct statement of individual rights is that everyone has the right to an opinion, but crucially, that opinion can be roundly ignored and even made fun of, particularly if it is demonstrably nonsense!

00:00 @iammgume

16 Dec, 25

When the grim reaper says "Nice Job" to you, just know that you'll have beaten life!!

00:00 @iammgume

14 Dec, 25

When I get sober....!

00:00 @iammgume

13 Dec, 25

HR: Moi, why are you so sad, there's so much happiness in the world!
Moi: I don't know, HR.
Why do you have asthma?
There's so much air in this world!

00:00 @iammgume

11 Dec, 25

HR: Moi, do you have any festive season message to everyone out there?
Moi: Oui, I do!
HR: I'm listening....
Moi: Please, don't drink and drive during the festivities. You're more valuable to your family alive than 6ft under
HR: That's spectacular! Bravo, Moi, Bravo!
Moi: *blushing* Oh thank you! And secondly...
HR: Yes...
Moi: Let the little ones have their shot at believing in Santa! You believed in your ex 15 times this year, for crying out loud.

00:00 @iammgume

11 Dec, 25

You see how you no longer ( want to ) talk to me... That's the real you
I'm glad the excitement finally got to wear off.

00:00 @iammgume

09 Dec, 25

HR: do you have any experience with ladies?
Moi: Yep, I've been in a few relationships, myself.
HR: Not bad! Are you still in any?
Moi: Not at all.
HR: what happened in your last one?
Moi: Back in 2020, I had this lady who, cooked all my food without spices and salt, to make me think I had COVID 19, so I wouldn't go anywhere!

00:00 @iammgume

09 Dec, 25

I have a joke about suicide, but it’s too depressing—most people just end up hanging on every word.

00:00 @iammgume

09 Dec, 25

HR: Do you have a sense of humour, Moi?
Moi: I do!
HR: Alright, tell me a joke.
Moi: any kind or...
HR: Any kind, a joke, pun, fun fact... Anything!
Moi: well, here's a fun fact.
DID YOU KNOW THAT DEAF FEMALES ARE THE MOST QUIET RAPE VICTIMS?

00:00 @iammgume

07 Dec, 25

Interviewer: What’s your name?
Moi: Full name, or…
Interviewer: Full name.
Moi: Moi Delacroix de Rubicon. My friends call me Moi, my loved ones call me Ruby, and the government… well, they call me Delacroix. But for you, I can be anyone 😜
Interviewer: Then welcome aboard, Monsieur Delacroix!
Moi: I suppose I’ll have to grow a moustache for that, won’t I?

00:00 @iammgume

06 Dec, 25

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed

00:00 @iammgume

06 Dec, 25

HR:You did mention that you have many degrees, is that right?
Moi: 37 to be exact!
HR: in what fields?
Moi: On the Celsius scale!

00:00 @iammgume

06 Dec, 25

00:00 @iammgume

06 Dec, 25

Those who shy away from addressing the elephant in the room are doomed to carry the weight of it.

00:00 @iammgume

06 Dec, 25

Apparently , prostitutes were (and still are) complaining bitterly, saying that they don’t know what to wear anymore to stand out because modern day women now dress like them.

What a time to be alive 🤣

00:00 @iammgume

27 Nov, 25

I think that, before you decide to badmouth someone, try to meet the bare minimum, look good! (And 5/10 doesn't count)

We can't worry about your toxic gossip and your enhanced ugliness all at once!

00:00 @iammgume

27 Nov, 25

Before I agree to go to next year, I need to read (and agree) to the terms and conditions....

00:00 @iammgume

27 Nov, 25

You know what's crazy?

WATER (Yes, H two O!)

It can boil you to death, freeze you to death, and drown you.

Yet you still need it to survive.

00:00 @iammgume

27 Nov, 25

There's a way working for 365 days and getting paid only 12 times doesn't sit well with me!

Nah!!!!!

00:00 @iammgume

22 Nov, 25

Society desperately needs morons as it does geniuses

00:00 @iammgume

20 Nov, 25

Tags @ascendemmy

00:00 @iammgume

20 Nov, 25

00:00 @iammgume

18 Nov, 25

One day, you and everyone you love will die. And beyond a small group of
people for an extremely brief period of time, little of what you say or do will ever matter. This is the Uncomfortable Truth of life. And everything you think or do is but an elaborate avoidance of it. We are inconsequential cosmic dust, bumping and milling about on a tiny blue speck. We imagine our own importance. We invent our purpose—we are nothing.

We're just here to die. No more, no less!

00:00 @iammgume

17 Nov, 25

Yes, a child's a blessing but 3 blessings at 19.....
Sister Mary!!!!!

00:00 @iammgume

17 Nov, 25

Yeah, I know!
Your story's a sad one but
I may cry, ruining my make up
And you've got not the slightest idea about hoe long it took me to apply it!

00:00 @iammgume

17 Nov, 25

Sell tighteners to females and enlargers to males
Cause of death: Drowned in money

00:00 @iammgume

17 Nov, 25

Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu, I've come to bargain!
Doumamu,

00:00 @iammgume

17 Nov, 25

If men were the problem, then there would be zero cases of divorce in lesbian marriages

00:00 @iammgume

17 Nov, 25

Say a female ( In her prime) gets into a comma..
Does she still represent her constituency while in the comma or do all duties resume after exiting the comma?