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00:00 @iammgume
21 Jul, 25
What hurts is the fact that we might not be part of the future that we're so desperately working for...!
00:00 @iammgume
17 Feb, 26
I wonder who prayed that hard for me to be single forever!
00:00 @iammgume
10 Feb, 26
00:00 @iammgume
06 Feb, 26
What makes a grown man wanna cry?
00:00 @iammgume
27 Jan, 26
POV: *When you married for looks and yansh*

*Junior's homework arrives*
You: Honey , help Junior with his homework... I'm kinda tied up at the moment.
Thanks, love you!

*THE NEXT DAY:
*You're checking through Junior's homework book and you see PORK JOINT as the answer to "Name one joint found in the human body"
00:00 @iammgume
25 Jan, 26
*While playing TRUTH OR DARE with your rich uncle's family members*
Them: TRUTH OR DARE?
ME: DARE:
Them: We dare you to get a real job.
Me:
00:00 @iammgume
24 Jan, 26
I've not come across my "ALL MEN ARE TRASH" posts this year, so far... Y'all must be really wanting Valentine's gifts, innit?
00:00 @iammgume
21 Jan, 26
Moral of the story....
Turn gxy before it's too late😎
00:00 @iammgume
21 Jan, 26
You're there busy hustling like a single father of 6 who's owing a mil and a half to 3 loan sharks and 2 mil to a cartel and you realise that you're gen Z....
00:00 @iammgume
21 Jan, 26
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
You're there just minding your own business, trying to consolidate all your problems in one basket and then BOOM!
You realise that your tier comes before the first one....
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
HR: Moi, have you ever been in any support group?
Moi: Yes, "Bullies Anonymous!"
HR: Well, how would it go?
Moi: just the usual.... We used to start with an opening prayer
HR: Really?
Moi: Yep! And it would go like this.... "DEAR GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE NERDS I CANNOT BEAT AND TO BEAT THE NERDS I CANNOT ACCEPT, AND THE WISDOM TO ALWAYS KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!"
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
I am a believer, c'mon!
A believer in the existence of the holy trinity; society, feminism and double standards
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
Now you see why you used to enjoy Christmas.... It wasn't your money being spent!
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
If body builders can't use steroids in competitions because it's considered cheating, then how come makeup is allowed in beauty contests?
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
Tags @mwesigwa and @Ogellan and runs away.....
Comes back to tag @ascendemmy
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
Man: I want a woman who's submissive, soft spoken, family oriented & loves cooking

Woman: You just want a maid. Misogynist

*Man goes ahead to sleep with the maid*

Woman:
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
Kindness has become so uncommon to the extent that when you show it to someone, they think you're in love with them....

It's humanity, darling, not love!
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
Ladies and gentlemen, the festivities are upon us!
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
People who are listening to music at 2X speed, is everything ok with you at home?
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
A man with a running stomach is never scared of darkness
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
HR: Moi, what's something that keeps you up at night?

Moi: How did God name the angels in heaven using the alphabet that was invented later by humans on earth yet he (is rumoured to have) existed before time immemorial ?
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
HR: Moi, define "inner beauty"
Moi:
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
So you're there....
With That girlfriend of yours who is always asking for an emergency 50k (ASAP🤣)
And when you ask for an impromptu 5k from her, you have to first sign a headed requisition form, pass it to HR, wait for the official time delay (she calls it * maturity & processing time*😜), and sometimes there's usually a 51% chance that her safe is almost empty, or you've asked for it the moment she just "gave it out to Samuella"

And poor you, you're planning on proposing to her, bend the knee and act like a gentleman

And she saved Sam, your best friend as "Samuella💋"

And most of the times , you're usually seeing her text, talk, giggle with "Samuella"

And you're convinced that you'll have cute kids together, because she's got a lovely behind.

And, you stepped up for her son.

Brother, you're a legend and your imbecility deserves a tax holiday of it's own!

You threaten the existence of the Greek goddess of stupidity!

Stand proud for history will study abou
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
The problem with today’s world is that everyone believes they have the right to express their opinion AND have others listen to it.

The correct statement of individual rights is that everyone has the right to an opinion, but crucially, that opinion can be roundly ignored and even made fun of, particularly if it is demonstrably nonsense!
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
When the grim reaper says "Nice Job" to you, just know that you'll have beaten life!!
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
When I get sober....!
00:00 @iammgume
21 Dec, 25
HR: Moi, why are you so sad, there's so much happiness in the world!
Moi: I don't know, HR.
Why do you have asthma?
There's so much air in this world!